I compare myself to others……….All the time.

November 12, 2008

I want to be better than people……….I don’t exactly know where that comes from……….and that scares me.

I really did think that when I went to Divinity school that I would stop comparing myself to others. I guess this is just wishful thinking, but I think that it is even worse in Divinity school.  We compare and compete with each other all of the time. 

I want to have an edge on people.  I want to be smarter.  I want to help the most people.  I want to be the most popular.  I want to be the most likable…………..but does this stuff matter and why do I constantly compare?  I mean, what really matters?

Constantly climbing this ladder of “being the best” is dangerous.  It will literally kill us and I feel like it has eaten away at my mind, my heart and my soul.  

 I turn my head to the east.  I don’t see anybody in sight.

I turn my head to the west.  Still nobody in sight.

So I turn my head to the North and swallow that pill that they call pride.

Am I that insecure that I need people to regard me as smart, popular, or just plain better than others?  Or, am I that insecure that I need to find people that are not as smart or popular so I can feel better about myself?

It is hard, isn’t it?  We want to be the best, but Jesus doesn’t call us to the best, does He?  He calls us to become the least and that starts with me deciding that I’m going to stop running in circles trying to believe that I am somehow better than someone else because of what I accomplish.

I am beginning to learn that if we stop believing that we are better than others because of our accomplishments, we begin to love ourselves and love others better than we ever have before. 

Once we stop looking at others in terms of “how can I be better than them” we will learn that we are people that are so much more than petty competition and comparison. 

Once we stop looking at people in terms of success we will love them for who they are, regardless of what they have done.  We will love people no matter what, without an agenda of any kind.

The world tells us that what we accomplish makes us who we are and I believe this lie every day. 

Being better than somone else does not mean anything.  It only means that I spend more time finding the ways I am better than someone else instead of loving everyone for who they are.

I compare myself to others………but I hope and pray that I can learn to look past the shallow insecurities that plague my life. 

Comparing ourselves tears us apart……..let’s look to another way.

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2 Responses to “I compare myself to others……….All the time.”

  1. Courtney said

    Thank you for the raw honesty with which you write every entry. I read your posts everyday and it constantly encourages and reassures me that other people are seriously struggling with some of the same things I am… some are just braver about putting it all out there. I wish we had talked more when you lived here.

  2. Ed said

    This is an awesome and true word of encouragement. Each of us deal with this issue and like all challenges, we cannot overcome it until we can see it in ourselves. Thanks John!
    Ed

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